Happiness, a feeling that has long left me has finally returned like a lost love. Yet it is a feeling that scares me, for it has become alien to my own understanding and menacing to my heart. This feeling haunts me, for it is often followed by a terrible storm, a storm of pain and emptiness. Yet I still run towards it, although I know I cannot attain it as my own, my very perception of it will not allow me to keep it within me, so I disregard it, for its love is so often dressed in destruction.
How can I come to trust that which can destroy me, it has done it before, why not again? I feel hopeless, for I have no faith within my own happiness nor that of which I am able to attain through the emotion and love of those around me. What is this feeling? For it is hostile to my intellect and poison to my heart. It creates nexus’s, desires and hope. Only for these precious things to be shattered by the mindless behaviour of my own volition or of those amongst me.
So why? Why am I so afraid to step into the light? It’s too promising, It seems like a pretty garden of lies filled with nothing but the promises of dead men and power hungry vermin. I prefer the comfort of the dark that I reside in. It lies to me but does so with a purpose, it protects me from what truly exists within this world, for happiness cannot be real, it has ceased to exist within me for longer than I could imagine, as I said before, it is “love dressed in destruction”.
So I shall continue to push away this feeling, I shall continue to live within the shadows of which I have created to protect myself. For the darkness and it alone has allowed me to love myself without the warmth of the light, it has created a being that rejects anything that threatens its peace and steadiness. It loves me with no boundaries and expects nothing of me other that my mere existence. For the darkness does not scare me as I face all of my insecurities while the light hides them under my smile and image it has taught me t put on for the masses.
The darkness is my happiness and my destruction lurks in the light
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