We all hold on to something, we have hope towards certain outcomes, we all expect something great to come out of this world, yet we tend to forget that dissatisfaction so often lingers in the corner of our hearts. I’ve held onto something that poisons me, destroys my peace and shakes my happiness.
Hope, it is a word used to hold onto something of which we are uncertain of its potential outcome, a word used to put trust into an act that one has lost complete faith in. A word used to try rebuild the reliance of ones heart towards others, yet fails to remove the fact that one may face despondency once more.
It has turned into a word that I so desperately learned to burry, it has turned into a word that I no longer follow nor hold close to me, for it has destroyed more than it has ever rebuilt, it has taken more than it has given me. A word some people use to help them make it through the day, has turned into a word I so utterly despise. A word that has not only made me self conscious, but has made me realise that it has put so much doubt within me more than anything. I’ve carried it for years, learnt it since birth, instilled its teachings within me and practiced its significance within the real world. Yet every single time I used it, it has has left me hopeless instead.
I’m done hoping, I’m done expecting, I take things as they come and I keep it going. I live my life without expectations, without hope, without fear. I do what I can and try to avoid what I can’t, I refuse to adopt such a concept that only lifts me up to bring me down once again. Thus, I live my days without the promise of hope. I hope for nothing nor do I expect anything, not from anyone other than myself, for I control the outcome.
Nic.
Comments